Another exceptionally long night with Little Pea. So I write:
Dear Little Pea’s molars,
Come in already!!
Little Peas’ mama.
So again I am in this delusional state of unrest, and my emotions are even wilder than they were the last two days.
It is in these states when my brain goes in to overdrive, and almost always to the darker areas. In this project of joy I am desperately trying to hold on to the lightness of moods and thoughts, but I still need to process, and give in a little to what is plaguing my weary mind.
Funny enough, I jumped onto Pinterest first thing this morning. I wanted to show hubby some of the pretty things I would like to try for our new home. I was quickly distracted from this task as the first pin was this lovely statement
How appropriate! I followed the link to this lovely inviting blog where the author talks about Thanks Giving, and being thankful, and there was a point at the dinner table where she was stumped. It had been a challenging year, and it was difficult to see beyond the heaviness of unemployment and other hardships that were caused because of the unemployment. She then goes on to and gives wonderful ways to still see the joy. My personal favourites are;
They’re my favourites for two very different reasons. The first I like because, well, I am pretty good at it, and I agree. Sometimes stepping out of the situation, and giving a re-look brings new perspective. You cannot see the forest for the trees, so step outside, and then admire the forest’s beauty. I find I can do this. Yes, Little Pea was up for five hours last night in painful tears. But how lucky am I that I get to cuddle him all night without the pressure to have to work a nine to five gig, and be ‘on’ all day long. Folks who have to pull this off – hats off to you! I try to remind myself how fortunate we are. We, meaning as a family.
“Look without comparison.” This rings to me all too often. It is so easy to fall prey to this little green eyed monster that lurks in our subconscious, and pops out when certain triggers are pulled. For me, it always happens with anything photography related. I really enjoy taking photos. I am one of those people that actually read the manual of my DSLR. I also read the highly recommended book on it. Still, I feel the photos never truly show the real product of what my eyes are seeing. There are other areas that this monster appears too. Mostly when I see someone who has focused one passion and made it just that, a passion. A thing they could not live or breathe without. I pine for a passion like that, but I am scattered, dabbling in too many areas to truly ever perfect one to be a real passion, and expert.
Take my friend over at Four Bees Photography. She took the photo you see on my main page of my daughter and me. I am in awe of this talent. First, she managed to make me feel physically good about myself in a photo! Second – Peaches had no interest in being in a photoshoot that day. But Ms. Duncan just persevered; moved and driven by her desire to capture a moment, no matter what that moment was meant to be. She is now capturing births and pregnancies, breastfeeding ad of course families and newborns. She inspires me.
Another field of jealousy and comparison happens when I see these moms who are so involved with their children. Now, by no means are my littles hard-done by. We play, and read, and do silly crafts (like cotton ball snowmen today) but there is a sense that I am missing something. Something that may just inspire them to follow whatever talent or interest they are to be passionate about. Then comes the whole “my son can resite the Gettysburg Address, and he’s just turned two.” mom to mom comparisons. It is difficult not to compare children’s abilities, and early reached milestones. It is especially hard when your child is behind in that area. You start to blame yourself, and forget that although little Jackson cannot speak in full sentences, he can button his own coat, and always helps clean up his toys. Finding the joy is about refocusing. Focus on the cans, instead of the cannots.
So to look without comparison makes me refocus many of those thoughts. Yes, she may be a better seamstress, photographer or gardener, but I can only be inspired by her as a reminder that I would like to try to focus my own passion. Instead of comparing, appreciate the talent for what it is. Trust that you carry your own cornucopia of attributes that someone else may be envious of, and appreciate them.